some people believe that teaching music in schools is a vital part of growing up and the human

Some people believe that teaching music in schools is a vital part of growing up and the human experience, whilst others believe that teaching music in schools is a waste of time and resources. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that teaching music in schools is a vital part of growing up and the human experience, whilst others believe that teaching music in schools is a waste of time and resources.
Music plays a vital role for the people who are in
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :accentuate
stress
or anxiety. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".believed
believe
by
This words can be replaced with:a number of
some
people that music is an essential aspect of growing up if we implement in our education system, although others believe it is a waste of time and money.

In
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :this day and agenowadays
today
’s era, people are stressful with their workload, all busy with employer deadline. At the same time, the
This words can be replaced with:undergraduatescholarpupiljuniorgraduate
students
have study pressure and
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :in some instances
sometimes
anxiety and depression suffered by
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :juvenilesadolescents
teenagers
.
This words can be replaced with:therefore
So
, music put extra energy to do
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :benefitialproduct
good
things like task endurance,
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :ameliorate
improve
response to pain. It helps to boost the memory with better concentration. Music
really
helps in therapy for patients and help to
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :ameliorate
improve
cognitive abilities.

To the contrary, the implementation of music in education might be
This words can be replaced with:various
different
,
This words can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
it could be expensive to afford by
This words can be replaced with:undergraduatescholarpupiljuniorgraduate
students
at same level. The music equipments are
This words can be replaced with:extremelyimmenselysupremelysuperb
very
high-priced. The
This words can be replaced with:undergraduatescholarpupiljuniorgraduate
students
could
be distracted
from regular academics which is
also
equally
This words can be replaced with:vitalcriticalessential
important
for scholars. It could be
also
the reason for noise pollution.
This words can be replaced with:a number of
Some
people who don’t understand music, it could be irritating voices for ears and a
This words can be replaced with:extremelyimmenselysupremelysuperb
very
loud music causes hearing loss.

Overall
, I believe every thing has merits and demerits
This words can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
when it
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :approachesarrives
comes
to music. Merits won over
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).demerits, and
demerits and
we can actually control the disadvantages. There are organizations who
Did you mean "help"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'organizations' should be used.help
helps
in funding, Sound levels can be control.
This words can be replaced with:on the contrary
But
anxiety, depression has such a relieved by learning music.
5.5
Total Band
5
Coherence and Cohesion
5.5
Lexical Resource
6
Grammatical Range
5.5
Task Achievement
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