the pie chart show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in new zealand in 2003 and 2013

The pie chart show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

The pie charts demonstrate the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003
as well
as 2013.

On visualizing the pie charts
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarising' is British English.summarizing
summarising
the information of online sales in 2003, it is evident that plethora of people have shopped for the things related to travel as it accounts 36%
on the whole
.
Did you mean "Whereas"?Whereas
Where as
the section which is least
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exploited
used
is the book section which
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
the fact crystal
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :apparent
clear
that people don't like to
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :purchase
buy
books
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).online, and
online and
they do not trust the system.

On the other hand
, the second the pie chart illustrates that online sales of film/music has experienced major comeback as
This words can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
it was
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exclusively
only
21% while in 2013 it raised to 33%.
On the contrary
, the online sales related to travel and clothes had decreased
even though
they were at high peak in 2003. The sale of books
is increased
by 3% as people are
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :nowadays
now
aware of
This words can be replaced with:various
different
sites on which we can
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
umpteen books at a low cost.

On the whole
,
Possible spelling mistake found.ZealandNederland
Newzealand
have suffered major fluctuation in online sales of clothes.
However
, sales
are neutralized
by online film/music.
5.5
Total Band
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion
5
Lexical Resource
6.5
Grammatical Range
5.5
Task Achievement
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